Handling Difficult Conversations Using Nonviolent Communication

In a sessions with teachers, the issue of handling difficult conversations with students came up. The teachers were discussing the dilemma they face when they have to reprimand a student who is a repeated trouble maker and is faring poorly in exams. The easiest solution is to use retributive practices- punishment, call the parents and make complaints. But many times instead of some positive solution, such retributive practices does more harm and it severely dents the self-esteem of the student.

Some of the teachers pointed out that notwithstanding the realization that retributive practices cannot bring transformative changes in the attitude and behavior of students, they run into a conflict situation on how they would handle conversations either with the student or with the parents. They want to be brutally honest on how the student is behaving or how s/he is doing in exams, yet they feel on the need for an empathetic and compassionate approach.

Discussing on the pros and cons and the approaches- whether restorative or retributive, an important strategy to handle the difficult conversations in a school environment was the use of nonviolent communication. As nonviolent communication touches the heart of people and helps in emotional bridge-building, inculcation of principles and elements of nonviolent communication can encourage restorative practices.

The teachers during the session were honest. Some said they missed understanding the perspectives of students while handling them. They said many times during these conversations, they brought in their own feelings and perspectives. They felt as they were teachers, the students were expected to follow their point of views and perspectives. The teachers talked of another area of interaction with students. There were occasions when a students had not done well in exams and was asking for feedback, the teacher tried to avoid the conversations. Rather than handling the issue with empathy and compassion, the teacher tried to divert the subject.

Each of these scenarios were discussed at length and the alternatives which the teacher could do using nonviolent communication were also deliberated. It was felt that handling difficult conversations was inevitable part of their lives as teachers but inculcation of skills of nonviolent communication could help them handle these constructively.

The teachers felt that its use can help teachers look at things from multiple perspective, enhance their skills of empathy, compassion and kindness. Also they can be more open and flexible while handling issues of students difficult to handle. They can avoid falling into the trap of making moralistic judgements and negative evaluations of students. Also it was felt that learning the art and science of nonviolent communication could enable the teachers to expand their emotional vocabulary which was critical to handle difficult conversations.